Wednesday night blogging

My mind sure has been wandering today. I don't know if it is the fever that I have been running the past two days, or that maybe all this extra time on my hands is making me crazy. It's probably both, but anywhoo...admist my delirious, sweaty, fever-induced afternoon, I watched a documentary called "Shut up and Sing" that reviewed the last four years of the Dixie Chicks' career and the media-crazed backlash that they received stemming from the, "I'm ashamed that the President of the United States is from Texas," comment. Natalie Maines, the lead singer, mentioned in the film that she would never be able to forgive the media and people that refused to buy, listen or have anything to do with their music after the fact.

It made me start thinking about forgiveness, and how hard it is for some people to forgive. For some reason, I have always been one of those people who forgives quickly. Hearing the phrase, "I will forgive, but never forget" is something that will never ring true for me. I actually do end up...forgetting. I don't know if it is some glitch in my brain, or maybe that I am just choosing, subconsciously, to not think about the "wrong-doings" that have been done to me. To me, it is easier to just, "forgive and forget". This has hurt me in my life, and I realize that, as I trust and forgive way too easily. Some confuse it with naivity, and though I am that too (and I'm working on it), I mostly feel that it takes more energy to be mad at someone than just try and move on. I discussed this with Ashley tonight and she also is one that always forgives and forgets. She brought up an interesting point that pride in not wanting to give in and forgive, may be one the reasons friendships/relationships may be lost after someone mistreats us or betrays our trust, and I agree with her. But which is better? Forgiving and "forgetting" and taking the risk of being hurt again? Or forgiving, and NOT forgetting, but harboring onto bitter feelings towards someone your whole life? Ultimately, I think it is a personal, emotional choice and I think I can understand both sides. Still, for me, forgiveness has been one of the most important things over the last few months for me in dealing with my divorce. While there our some parts of the situation that are impossible to forget (hence the end of my marriage); accepting the situation, and knowing that I love CJ for what we once had and forgiving him for what he did, has helped me move on that much more quickly.

After thinking about all this, I remembered a quote that I read from The Peacemaker: "Being mistreated is the most important condition of mortality, for eternity itself depends on how we view those who mistreat us."

Maybe I've given you all something to think about. Maybe I will wake up tomorrow, my fever will have broken, and I will realize I wrote a bunch of nonsense and end up erasing this. I don't know. Either way, hope you are all having a good night.