Random thoughts/Blogging world, I've missed you.

I lost my car today. Yes, yes...everyone forgets where they park their car every so often. Today though, for me, this was a very bad sign. As I began scouring the grocery store parking lot, I realized that I never actually remembered parking my car. In fact, I couldn't remember the last 30 minutes of my life. What I thought about, who I saw...was all a blur. Had I been walking around in a daze for the last half hour? This of course, got me thinking (I know, big surprise) so bear with me as I as use this post as a life update/personal journal entry. 

This last year has been one that I will look back on as one of my most influential. After overcoming a bout of depression and being thrown full force into a life unrecognized due to some unforeseen circumstances, I feel like I know more about myself now than ever. I have, for lack of a better word, "re-learned" who I am, what makes me tick, my likes and dislikes, my hobbies, what I willing to give in relationship, and more importantly, what I want out of one (besides someone to hold my hand and slow me down). I have learned that I like doing things for myself, but love the fact that I have so many great people in my life that want to help me do them. I have gained confidence in knowing that I can get through anything and can take care of myself if I need to - independence, wow - its empowering. As much as I appreciate where I am now, this has not come without some new added pressure. Pressure and expectations I have put on myself. The last couple of weeks, I have shared with those around me a sense of urgency and stress that I am placing on my future. I have thought so much about what I "should be doing" that I am forgetting one of the biggest lessons I have learned so far. That being, to live in the moment and take (and appreciate) each day as it comes. I keep waiting for myself to "get somewhere"...that I am forgetting what is important to me. I want so much out of life. So much that it is bogging down my mind and I'm forgetting to breathe. While I think goals are a great and necessary thing, I also think my lack of prioritizing these goals is causing some crazy stress in my life right now. Unnecessary, but true. 

I am lucky to be surrounded with so many people that provide so much insight into my life. My younger sister, Amy, who is infinitely wise beyond her years helped me gain some perspective into what I might be missing tonight. She pointed out that I may be putting all my focus into things of the moment, things, "of the world" and not concentrating on what may really make me happy in the long run. Most specifically, family - present, and future. My closest friends Darren and Lacey pointed out that maybe there was too much "I " in my life right now. To get me out of a mini-breakdown that I had this past weekend, they suggested that I do something for others because true happiness, as they quoted to me, "comes from serving others". I think a lot is to be said for those two little things...family and service/charity. So, for the next little while, I'm going to think about worrying a little less, and try to put my trust in that by living each day to the best of my ability, things will fall into place. Key word being...try.

I hope you all watched "The Last Lecture" post that came before this one. I guess the moral of this post (since the solution is blurry) can really be summarized by my favorite quote in that lecture..."If you lead your life the right way, the Karma will take care of itself, the dreams will come to you....". More or less this was an excuse to write down my thoughts...hoping to get some comments, words of advice, life insight and so forth.

"Slow down and everything you are chasing will come around and catch you." - John De Paola